Food Sucks

Yep, that's right people. Prego just said food sucks. Or maybe it should say eating sucks. Either way, the joy is gone. Yesterday at Joe's, we had some cheese fries (split 3 ways) and I had half of a BLT. I was so miserable, I felt like I'd just emptied an all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet. I am so squooshed on my insides... this must be how people with gastric bypass surgery feel... without the joy of a baby as the reason why.

Baby Girl has parked her little tuckus on my right side, directly under my ribs. Every once in awhile, she gives me a good push, I guess to let me know she's doing ok in there. It doesn't hurt, but it's not comfortable, either. As she gets bigger and bigger (she's going to almost triple in size over the next 8 weeks) I would imagine she will be able to pack a pretty powerful punch. It's going to get interesting. And I'm probably just going to get bitchier and complain more. Yay for Cory! :(

Christmas was great, we had a blast in Dallas with the Bloyds. It was so nice to be at someone else's house... even though I don't do much around here these days, it still always nags at me what I should be doing. At C's house, I sat on my ass without feeling any guilt. :D

We have a doc appointment this week. My doc is on vacation so it'll be someone else. A dude. Hopefully, this appt. will be like the last few. I'd hate for it to be the one week they actually make me get nekkid or something. That might freak Cory out a little bit.

The nursery is looking fabulous. We just need to assemble the crib and paint the chair rail. I'm quite pleased with the results thus far!

Hope everyone has a great NYE. I have to work and I can't drink, so please, someone out there go get crazy for me.

Merry Christmas!

Whatever your beliefs, whatever your holiday is called, have a good one. We are traveling to Dallas to spend some time with Uncle Mark and Aunt Candice.

Hopefully we will get some good photos and I will post them when we get back.

xoxo

29 Weeks!

I really need to post a picture of my belly again. Good grief, it feels so big! I don't know how I can continue to grow for 10-11 more weeks. I mean, I know I can, and will, but geez! I can really see the end of my belly button now, it's probably only a matter of time before it pops like a turkey thermometer.

I know I've bitched a lot about the aches and pains and discomforts and inconveniences, but I'm in a good mood today, so I better get this out before my mood swings again... :)

• There has been nothing more exciting than seeing Cory's face the first time he felt the baby move.
• I can't stop rubbing my belly, and I wonder if she can sense my touch.
• I like having my friends touch my tummy. It doesn't bother me at all, and so far, no strangers have invaded my space.
• I can't wait until I can actually hold her.
• I can't wait until I can actually see Cory hold her.
  
• The emotional roller coaster has been tough on everyone in this house, but sometimes there's nothing better than a good, hard cry.
• I've never run around the house in my underwear before now. I told my sister, "Why not? This is the body that Cory built." :)

Anyway, just thought I'd throw this up there because the next time I post, I'll probably be complaining about hemorrhoids...

Update

Well, I caved in and went back to Marble Slab. Chocolate swiss with almonds and strawberries. YUM. They were out of sweet cream again, of course, but the asshat wasn't working so I just let it go. Cory asked me when I got back if I implemented Project Jay Pryor but I didn't. I am saving that for when that guy is there. My sister had coffee ice cream with Heath, and it was damn good too.

We (er... Paula and Cory) started painting the nursery. After 3 paint samples, I found the green I want. I think it's going to be very pretty in the end. I'm ready to have it all complete with the little crib and everything!

I had my first case of heartburn last night. I actually had to look it up on the internet today to see if that's what it was. I've had acid reflux before with this prego business but I guess never had heartburn. I didn't really even know there was a difference. Anyway, it sucked. It woke me up out of a dead sleep, I thought I was having a heart attack. Boo on heartburn! No more milk and oreos before bed.

Appointment tomorrow - stay tuned. There may be photos!

PS: Oh yeah, i took my first tumble today. I don't feel like I've lost my balance but I still tripped over my own damn feet. Landed on my knee. It's all skinned. :( I felt so retarded...

Anti-Ice Cream

I think Baby Girl Cheney is going to come out never wanting to eat ice cream. We met some friends at Cold Stone on Friday. The restaurant was clean, everything was stocked (yes, sweet cream!) but ... it just didn't hit the spot like I had hoped. I'm going to have to investigate other mixins.

Anyway, we all sit down and start talking when this little kid, assuming the owner's son, comes over and passes out birthday coupon cards. We all remark how cute and what a great job he did with his sales pitch (the kid was young, I'm guessing under 7). We tried to go ahead with our conversation, but every 2 minutes, the kid came over to say something else. The cute wore off really, really fast. In fact, he basically ran us out and forced us to Starbucks next door so we could have a decent conversation.

The ice cream experiences have just been lacking. I'm thinking next craving, I just go to the damn store and buy some Blue Bell. Or maybe Joe's for a chocolate shake.

Weekend

I don't know how I'm going to ever go back to work after being off for maternity leave. Having 4 days off is heaven, imagine what 3 months will be like???

Anyway, though all the driving back and forth sucked, it was great to see everyone. My nephews are as adorable as ever. Matthew and Stephen spent a lot of time "in their room" reading books. Stephen is on the third Harry Potter and Matthew was reading something called "The Titan's Curse," some kind of fantasy or somesuch that would make his uncle quite proud. I asked him on Saturday if he had finished yet, and he said, "Oh yeah, I'm re-reading this one. I've already read it once."

:) (Aunt beams with pride)

Ben, the kindergartener, is going to be tested for the G&T program. I've never seen a kid more eager to learn. While we were playing Uno, he and Cory were playing Q&A on a piece of paper because he wanted to practice his writing and spelling. He read the baby a book, for which he had made "props" in the car on the drive up.

We love those kids. Those boys are the reason I have a little girl in my belly right now. Had I never known them, I probably never would have had any desire to have a baby of my own.

Let it Snow

Did anyone else get snow? We went over to some friend's for dinner Friday night and when we went to leave, there was 2-3 inches of snow on the ground. No one had even known it was going to snow, much less noticed when it was happening. Wild!

Next appt.

Our next appt. is the first week of December. My stomach is big and hard now, it's crazy. I'm getting tired a lot easier these days and sleep is my enemy again, much like the first trimester. Up to go to the bathroom all the time, right side, left side... ugh. Naps are great but sleeping straight through just isn't happening. Sleeping on my side with all this weight is killing my hips.

Anyway, I'm getting sick of it now. I'm tired of people asking me the same questions over and over. Don't get me wrong, it's not bad to ask a woman these things, but I'm being honest here and answering over and over and over "how are you feeling? when are you due? is it a boy or a girl? Do you have a name picked out?" gets old. As self-absorbed as I am, can't we please talk about something else for once?

Maybe if my ice cream was more satisfying, I'd be less cranky...

Daddy's Little Girl

Yes Bean. For a few more months, you are Daddy's Little Girl...

My sister saw Baby Cheney kicking last night! I was so excited that someone else saw it, we both squealed. Cory has yet to see or feel her, but I'm sure he will at some point. :)

We went to see my friend Susan and her new baby tonight. Andy weighs about 7 pounds now, he was born a week ago. Too cute! He was sound asleep when we stopped by. Susan and her husband James assured us that labor wasn't as bad as they were expecting. Of course, she pushed for like 25 minutes and he "popped right out." :) Let's hope for that for us as well!

Paula & I took Ripley to her first training session today. Unlike obedience school, we are just working with someone to try to get her to stop growling and attacking, not really training for specific "tricks" or things, though she said she is so smart, we could train her to do almost anything. I'm very hopeful, and so was the trainer. It's not going to be cheap but I think it will be sooo worth it. She said like most reactive dogs, Ripley is not really aggressive, but afraid. My baby has trust issues. :( I got her a new leash and halter to work with her and will do the next session with all three dogs.

Anyway, she's my first baby girl, so I thought I'd write about her a little. :)

Marble Slab is the Devil

Some of you have heard my rantings about Marble Slab. I love their freaking ice cream. It's fabulous. So when we got one here this summer, I was pumped! After trying a few things, I decided that Sweet Cream was my favorite flavor, no matter what the mixin.'

Diane and I would meet up there around 9ish - they close at 10 - and almost every time, the tables were dirty, the staff was rude and they were ALWAYS out of something I wanted. Sweet Cream? "Sorry, we ran out." Chocolate Swiss? "we're out of that too." Ok fuckwad, how about vanilla with caramel. It doesn't get easier than that. "Oh, we're out of caramel. and hot fudge."

This particular asshat is rude, and I think he just says this to piss me off.

The last time, the no caramel, no hot fudge time, I was livid. I left and immediately got online and wrote a scathing email to Marble Slab. I swore never to return. But sitting outside with the flies and bugs at the outdoor frozen custard place just doesn't cut it. And while I love me some Braum's, Marble Slab ice cream still wins. So i returned.

The Return

I gave in and told D I wanted some Marble Slab, I think it was Monday night. We met there at 7:51 p.m. They didn't close til 10. I know, because I checked.

I walked in, they weren't too busy so I was excited. "mmm... sweet cream with caramel and almonds. Yeah baby!"

The same steaming fuckhole is working. I avert my eyes and hope he'll go help someone else.

But no.

After wandering around trying to look like he's doing something, he comes over. "Can I help you."

(The punctuation there is not an error but an indication of his lovely, helpful tone)

I decide at the last minute to go for one of their mixes. "Small Snickerdoodle."

Shithead: "We're out of sweet cream."

Ha! gotcha, asshole. It's not made with sweet cream!!

Me: "It's not made with sweet cream. It's made with vanilla."

Infantile assweasel behind the counter: "We're out of vanilla."

He won again!

What kind of ice cream place runs out of vanilla 2 hours before closing? What kind of ice cream place keeps running out of the same shit and never adjusts their inventory to fix it?

I say he's just fucking with me. Next time, that little shit is going to get an ice cream scooper up his pooper.

Don't mess with a pregnant woman who wants a creamy frozen treat, dammit.

My Doc Appt.

We had a doc appt. today. Normal routine. The wait was kind of interesting though...we were in the lobby maybe 5 minutes before they called my name. We went through the motions (I gained 6 pounds last month, my blood pressure is 118/64 and my glucose screen is normal) and then sat and waited on the doctor.

About 15 minutes later, we hear her voice in the hallway, thinking "wow, this is a good appointment. She's already coming in!"

But no.

We hear our doc yelling, "Ma'am! You will NOT disrespect me in my office. You are not welcome back here again."

At first we think she's giving her staff a hard time. Then I hear a woman mumble, "This is why I prefer men doctors."

"Well, that's fine, but you are no longer welcome here. Not ever again."

Cory & I are sitting there in disbelief, going, "Yeah! You tell her!"

I don't really know what the whole story was, but she was still on edge when she came into our room later on. She tried to explain but I'm sure we would have had to be there to really get the gist of why she was so perturbed, but something along the lines of pregnant white trash trying to get disability and bitching about her job. Great parent-to-be, I am sure.

My class last semester at OSU touched on the topic of "firing" customers who treat your staff poorly. I'm all for it. I think it shows people that money isn't everything, that you've "got their back" and are more important than some whiney-ass, trouble-making customer/client/whatever the case may be. Of course, there's the whole "the customer is always right" mantra, but I don't buy it. If I know for a fact the customer is wrong, screw 'em. This woman probably yelled at staff for something every time she went in.

Guess that's why I didn't like being in management.

The Registries

Open up your wallets, people. We're registered. :)

Search under my name, Stephanie Brown, or Cory as the spouse. If you search for Stephanie Cheney, you ain't gonna find anything. :D We did everything online at target.com and babiesrus.com. The only thing we no longer need is a breast pump. We got the awesome hookup courtesy of a friend of Cory's who got us the primo model for the price of the middle model. Sweet.

Yay for Candice :)

Serious for Once

I think everyone in the bloop is well aware of our stance on religion but I don't think I've ever talked that much about it in a serious manner. Usually just snide comments here and there, which are oh-so-fun for me to do. :)

But now, there is a little one on the way, and I've been thinking a lot lately about how we are going to answer her questions about church, holidays, etc. and at first, it really stressed me out, but you know what? I realized today that Cory & I are going to be great parents and we are going to raise our daughter with a few fundamental beliefs that we share: think for yourself, always ask questions, be kind to others, have an open mind and an open heart, embrace education. If at some point, she comes home and says she wants to go to church, we will honor that. But since it is not a belief that Cory & I share, we aren't going to be hypocritical about acting like we believe it just to make other people happy. We have no intention of baptizing her, which is likely going to create some waves in our families.

Of course, if they can come up with a good reason for doing so, I'd be open to it. I just don't think there is one.

I'm also going to face "Why don't you have daddy's last name?" to which I have a reply ready as well. I had to consult a good friend who shares my liberal views and is a Mom herself, and she had the best response... "be honest."

I guess that's what Cory & I hope to do as parents: be as honest as we can and hope that our daughter grows up respecting our opinions and beliefs. And I hope she realizes that if her beliefs are polar opposite of ours, that's ok. We'll love her anyway. :)

20 Weeks

Had another appointment today. She just listened to the heartbeat and set up our next appointment. They'll be drawing me blood again and I have to do the glucose test where I drink a bunch of syrupy orange crap. That sounds fun.

I was thinking today... if women would really tell all the gross truths about pregnancy, I don't think as many women would be so anxious to get knocked up. I mean, seriously. There is nothing romantic, sexy or even sweet about this process (in my humble opinion). Today, the doc told me to get little pads for the inside of my gargantu-bra because I've started to leak this yellowy-orange gunk called colostrum and if it gets worse, it can stick to the inside of the bra and I can peel layers of nipple-skin off when I remove my bra.

Now, isn't that hot?

There is more, but I'll keep it to myself for now. Oozing nipples is gross enough for one post.

---

On a much more pleasant note, my tummy has arrived! It really pooches now, and I waddle. I saw myself in the reflection of a glass door today and realized the waddle. The tummy, I can't remember when exactly this week, but wow, it was like overnight or something. My pants officially no longer fit and it just sticks out. Before, it was like I was bloated all the time but now, this is the real thing. :)

Everyone keeps asking what we are going to name our baby girl. Well, just so you know, even when we do pick one, we won't be sharing it until she is born. There's got to be something kept as a surprise...

Two of my high school students who are pregnant are having girls. I bought them an outfit and a little stuffed bunny. It's fun to buy baby clothes. They are so cute and tiny and cheap. I really want to try to help these girls as much as I can financially with things because I know they will not be getting help at home. It's frightening to me that they are having babies. Not because they are so young, but because they come from the type of home that isn't going to provide much, in the way of support or finances. I don't even know if they have a room for the baby. One of them lives in a crappy apartment (40 North, for those in the know). I just want to rescue them all.

Anyway, the baby is telling me she wants some orange juice and sleep, so...

Who Knew?

I started registering online for Baby Girl Cheney this week. Man, we are so clueless. Nevermind the actual parenting, we don't even know what we need! Luckily, we aren't the only ones, as both Target and Babies R Us have a "new parent checklist" type of thing to help us along. Everything is so expensive. I'm guessing that's why people have told us we won't need to buy any clothes... it's really the only thing normal people can afford to buy for new parents! Thank goodness for families who feel obligated to make the bigger purchases. Hint, Hint. :)

My appetite kicked into overdrive this week, methinks. I got up late today so instead of a bowl of cereal or something I grabbed an apple on the way to the school. By the time I got home, my stomach was rumbling so loud I'm surprised you didn't hear it. My stomach has really started to look pregnant too. :D Soon, very soon, it will stick out further than these melons.

We have a "down" weekend at last. Cory finished the magazine and only has plans for Saturday night so it looks like we might be able to get caught up around the house and maybe start working on the nursery. Or, we might spend the whole weekend lying around, doing nothing. Either way, it's what we need. :)

Hope you all have a great weekend.

Remember This Post? :)

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Mark My Words

We're having a girl, I just know it...

The Nursing Stool Part Deux

THIS is a fucking nursing stool. Its purpose? To ease back pain while nursing. Uh... ever hear of an ottoman? Pile of books? Your husband's back? I mean, come on. As if you aren't ripping us off enough for the $300 breast pump, you think we're going to shell out $207.99 for this ugly turd?

I will not be registering for the nursing stool.

My Three Bumps

I think my boobs stick out further than my belly at this point, but not for long. Cory hugged me a couple weeks ago and said, "Hey! Your boobs got to me before you did!"

I'm pretty sure I went for my last prego bike ride this weekend. It's just so hard... flat roads with no wind and my HR goes up to like 155. I don't know, I'm going to try again when it actually cools off and see if that helps. If not, I'm going to have to stick to walking and hiking and classes I guess. Ugh.

Being fat is no fun, even when it's for a good reason.

A Reminder for ME

You are now 18 weeks pregnant! WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH YOU

Weight gain and mood swings and cravings, oh my! Your body is going through a lot of changes right now -- so many that you may feel you can't keep track. Your best bet: Eat right, exercise when you can, and give yourself plenty of down time. If you treat your body well, your emotions should remain at bay. If all else fails, there's always chocolate.

Sex

No, you pervs, I'm not going to talk about our sex life during pregnancy...

We find out whether we have a boy or a girl on Sept. 27th. We have an 11:00 appointment in Oklahoma City, and apparently the ultrasound is 4-dimensional, so expect some pretty fabulous photos.

We will also be registering that day, since we'll already be in OKC. Target and Babies R Us will be the stores of choice. And unlike for our wedding, we will register for everything we WANT, not just what we need. I'd like to personally thank Jerm and Andia for bringing this to my attention. Registering for our wedding would have been much more fun had I attacked it with wanton, guilt-free abandon!

Hope everyone has a great weekend, avoids the head crud and gets out in this glorious weather.

uh...

All you moms and moms-to-be who are lurking... please tell me the point of a nursing stool? I am so confused.

The HeartBeat

We really had no idea what our appointment was about today. I thought perhaps just more bloodwork and a pee check, but we got to hear the heartbeat! 156 bpm, or as Cory put it, "That's a heartbeat climbing a hill, at least a 7!" :) Cracks me up.

When the doc rubbed the little wand (too little to be called a magic wand this time) on me, we heard the beating. Then it went away. She said, "there it is. that's your baby in there! Active little bugger too cuz he just swam away from me." She had to work on finding it again, guess he was swimming back and forth. :) I had this image of a 16 week old fetus splashing around the fluid like it was a turtle kiddie pool.

No word on the gender yet. We will be going to OKC in a few weeks for the pre-screening ultrasound. This is the optional test to check for Down's Syndrome or other abnormalities. Optional likely means insurance doesn't cover it, but being my age, risks for these kind of things go way up so we'd rather know than not. Anyway, at that appointment, we'll know the gender and likely come home with a phenomenal baby pic to post. Doc says their ultrasound machine is amazing.

No movement yet, that I can feel. But she said the size is perfect and so is the heartbeat. :) I've gained 3 pounds since the last appointment, it seems like a lot more but I was glad to hear all those cookies I ate last night didn't ruin me. :)

I came home from a work event last night sick and it has progressively gotten worse. Ugh. I went to my class this morning and just made the girls play basketball so I wouldn't have to work out. The rest of my day, I canceled and spent it in bed. In fact, it's calling my name again so I think I'll head that way.

That's all for now. Thanks for stopping by!

BLOG PS: I have 4 books purchased so far: Fletcher and the Falling Leaves, for obvious reasons, Puff the Magic Dragon, Howard B. Wigglebottom Learns to Listen, cuz i loved the name, and my all-time favorite, Goodnight Moon. :)

Pregnancy Truths As I See Them

1) You don't eat for two. Anyone who says they have to eat for two is using it as an excuse to pig out. I didn't know this before I was pregnant. Only 100 extra calories a day the first 3 months, then 300-500 after.

2) The exhaustion is not an exaggeration or an excuse to take extra naps. You're building a human in there! It takes a lot of work that you really have no control over or even are aware of at this point. Sleep is gooooood.

3) If you were very active before becoming pregnant, you can stay very active through your pregnancy. Once your energy comes back, that is.

4) People really are nicer to you when you're pregnant.

5) You have a TON of gas around weeks 8-12, even for those of us who are gassy 24-7. It's worse. You're so bloated, you look like you're showing but really, it's just gas. Nice, eh?

6) You're going to forget things. Expect to seem a bit flaky for 9 months. Your brain cells actually compress during pregnancy, though no one seems to know why.

7) Of course, the boob thing has been discussed here, but honestly, it's a thing you have to see to believe the changes. I'm going to be a D by the end of this.

8) Learn the Dos and Don'ts on your own because your doc likely won't tell you, but Dear Mrs. Smith down the hall will be certain to let you know that you can't get your hair done, sleep in any position except on your left side, drink caffeine or exercise while you're pregnant. All of course are not true. Caffeine... if you can give it up, awesome, but if you're a junkie, just cut back. Less than 300 mg per day. My doc drank caffeine while she was pregnant, that was good enough for me. Bring on the mountain dew, wahoo!

9) I've heard of women gaining 80 pounds. Good grief. No wonder you're constantly telling me that I'll "never lose all the baby fat after giving birth"... well, Bertha, if I gain 80 pounds for an 8 pound baby, you're probably right!

10) And last but not least, here's the ugliest truth of all: There are days that you might think to yourself, "oh god. what did we do?" and it's ok to think that.

So there you have it. What I've learned as I embark on month number 4. I hope I have 10 new things to report when I get to month 8. :)

Living up to the blog title

Hotter n Hell 2007. The short ride. :)

Meet Baby Cheney, 11 weeks, 3 days

:) I can't believe how human she looks already!

Baby Birds and Books

With Cory away most of the week, I had a lot of time to myself. I didn't do much really. Ate whatever I wanted and slept a lot. :) Wait, that's no different than if he were home...

Anyway, I don't think I've posted about it but this summer, I bought two different hanging flower baskets for our porch. The first basket died because a Momma bird decided to lay her eggs there, and I was scared to water it with the nest inside. We discovered the nest when cleaning up after the flood. No telling how long the eggs had been there, it wasn't long before I peeked in and the nest was empty. By this time, we decide the baby birds were a good omen, because we found out I was pregnant not too long after discovering the bird eggs.

The second plant was destined to do better because it was a basket of New Guinea impatiens, which does better in the shade and handles heat fairly well. I have to take the basket down to water it and one day, there it is, another nest and baby bird eggs. This time around, I decided to try to save the plant. I carefully watered it as little as possible, making sure not to disturb the eggs. I kept it alive through the hatching of the eggs, though the heat was really getting to it this week and it wasn't looking so good.

I took down the basket again to water it like always, but this time, the babies were in a new nest on a different side of the basket. In their old nest, a dead baby. :( So I decided to let the plant die because there was no way to water around two nests. I left it alone until today, when I got home from the airport.

As I took the basket off the hook, one of the birds flew, half heartedly, out of the basket and onto our lawn. I look in and ALL of the rest of the birds are dead. How this one survived, I'm not sure because I think the Momma bird abandoned them or was killed. Or the babies were sick from the start and they died all but one lonely one who kept sitting in the basket waiting for its Momma to come home with some tasty grub.

It was still pretty small, and didn't really seem able to fly yet. More like flop. It freaked me out, I didn't want this one to die, too. Cory & I decided to get it to a box and then we would try to feed it. It let me pick it up and it held onto my hand tightly with its little claws. It seemed terrified, but didn't really try to get away. We dug up a worm and tried to get it to eat it, but no luck. At this point, we decide it's probably best if we just let it fend for itself. We place the bird in our flower bed and go inside.

Getting ready to go to the movies, I look for the baby again. It's still sitting in the flower bed next to the worm I tried to feed it. Right where we left it. I start freaking out that maybe we should put it up high, off the ground, so that maybe the Momma would come back and be able to find it. So I got a different hanging basket and made it a little nest and hung it back up. I hoped for the best and went to a stupid movie, where I sat and worried about the little bird the entire time.

When we got home, the baby was gone. I guess she could fly after all and was strong enough to leave her nest. I hope she is old enough and big enough to find her own food...

If the first basket of eggs was a good omen, what do dead baby birds mean? I know it's a morbid thought, but I've been paranoid all week because I still don't feel pregnant. I just feel fat and tired. :( I think about it constantly, I'll be glad when our appointment arrives on Tuesday.

Books

One of my best friends, who had a baby about a year ago, told me I should read Jenny McCarthy's book "Belly Laughs." She said it was hilarious and I would appreciate much of what she had put into the book, given the topics of my pregnancy posts so far.

With Cory gone (I hear in more ways than one) all weekend, I decided to buy it at Hastings. It's short and easy and not very well-written, but it did have some funny stuff, and it made me feel a little better for how I've been feeling and acting lately. I laughed out loud a couple of times and told Cory he should read it when he has time.

The last few pages are about labor, and how she is freaking out about pooping during the delivery, a fear I've had a couple of times since learning that this happens. Toward the very end, the tone of the book changes as she talks about the actual delivery of her son. I start bawling. Lips quivering at first, eyes tearing up, and then the fucking floodgates. I have no idea why, just like I have no idea why I bit Cory's head off on the phone the day before because I couldn't get the TV to work. Hormones, I guess.

Wow, I really am pregnant.

The Knocked Up Moment

We had our “new prenatal” appointment today. I gave five tubes of blood and had to pee in a cup twice. Yippee!

It’s kind of ridiculous really, they give you all this information that you should have had when you first found out you are pregnant. Now I’m at the end of my first trimester only to find out that I could have, in fact, taken Tylenol... you can bet your ass I’m going to take some benadryl to sleep tonight.

Anyway, one of the things in The Packet was a magazine with these really great 3D ultrasound photos of babies in varying months of life. If you’ve never seen a 3D ultrasound pic, google it. It’s really amazing. And I’m not all ga-gag over that stuff usually, but these are just unbelievable. It’s like a little photo snapshot of babies in the womb. Incredible.

So toward the back of the magazine is of course, the dreaded labor and delivery section. I told the woman I didn’t want to look at those photos yet, but of course, as soon as we get in the car it’s the first thing I flip to. OH MY GOD. Bad idea. I shouldn’t have done that. You think that scene in Knocked Up was bad, you should see these photos.

I don’t know about you guys, but we never watched films like the miracle of life where you see a baby being born. I don’t think anyone needs to see that, really. Miraculous or not, amazing as it may be, I just don’t think you need to see it.

What do you guys think? Are you going to be “on that end” of things, watching? Are you going to videotape the big event?

If Cory came anywhere near my va-jay-jay with a video camera, you can bet your ass it would be the last time he ever saw it!

The Nursery

We picked out a crib at last. Don't know when we're actually going to get the office cleaned out so we can start painting it and moving furniture in, but at least I found one we both really like...

Surprisingly, we aren't going with black furniture, but antique white. My plan for the colors of the room are dark, so dark furniture won't work. The room is going to be chocolate brown, antique white and green, probably with some bright accent colors but I haven't decided on everything yet. I'll have to take a picture of the blanket that inspired my color scheme.

Anyway, I'm really excited to get started on it but am going to try really hard not to go overboard. Like everyone keeps telling me, newborns need love and food and attention, not room decor. So our priority is being home with her for the first six weeks at least...

The Connection

Two nights ago, I had my first dream about the baby. Friends have told me that they believe it is my maternal instinct kicking in, my way of connecting to the little growing person inside of me.

In the dream, I’m in labor. I can hear people telling me to push, but in the dream, I’m inside the womb with my baby. I remember cradling her head in the crook of my arm, soothing her and telling her that this part was going to be a little rough... I basically pushed her out with my elbow (ouch, vagina!) and once she was out, I was back “in my body” and wasn’t with her anymore.

The next thing I know, we are home and I am trying to figure out the whole breast feeding thing. It’s not working for us. I keep trying to get her to latch on but it’s just not happening and we are both getting frustrated. I’m not sure what happened after that, but I remember yelling at Cory to stop ignoring her. She was 1 day old and he kept setting her on the couch and then going off to do something else. Probably play halo. ;)

I’m not sure what else happened, that’s all I really remember, but I do recall there being another couple there who had their daughter at the same time we did. They kept trying to take ours instead. And yes, the girl had a name. But the name I called her in the dream is the name I hope to give her so I can’t tell you until she is born.

This is so exciting. :)

The Measurement

38C, peoples... at 8 weeks. That's all I'm saying.

Sleep Deprivation

You know, I am well aware that there will be a chronic lack of sleep once the baby comes, but I had no idea that I would be short on sleep before the little bugger ever shows up and makes a peep.

I've really been struggling with fatigue the past couple weeks, most notably this week, and I kind of expected that. But what I didn't expect was that it wasn't just fatigue from all the stuff going on, it's from actual insomnia. I am having real trouble getting quality sleep and it's killing me.

My boss told me to look online for suggestions on what I can take or do, so I just googled it. Who knew, 78% of women report lack of sleep during pregnancy more than any other time. First and third trimesters are the worst. And just to fill your heads with a little knowledge, here's why the first trimester sucks:

Frequent urination: This is because your body produces 30% to 50% more blood while you are pregnant, and your kidneys need to work harder to filter the additional volume. Also, as your baby grows, there is increased pressure on your bladder, causing you to need to go more frequently.

Napping: While progesterone makes you sleepy, it can also disrupt your sleep, leaving you feeling more fatigued during the day. So, indulge your busy body and take catnaps whenever you feel the need.

Getting comfortable: Always been a stomach sleeper? Tender breasts during your first trimester may make you reconsider. If possible, try learning to sleep on your left side. This allows maximum blood flow to the fetus, improves kidney flow, helps reduce swelling, and reduces the amount of pressure on your liver. Another reason to avoid sleeping on your stomach is to avoid putting pressure on the fetus.

It's time to spend some money on some quality pillows. And go maternity shopping, because tight clothes are making me crazy. I don't like clothes touching me much when I'm a size 6, much less double that.

Consider today a Bad Day! Hmmpf!

The Feeding

Coming out of the theatre after Harry Potter...

I told Cory, “That was the best one so far. Did you like it?”

“Yeah,” he mumbled. Good stuff.”

“It was long though, I’m starving. And I need you to run me by the hospital for a sec...”

I continue on with the food talk. “I need sustenance. Real food. The popcorn didn’t do it for me. I want mashed potatoes and gravy. Let’s go to KFC.”

Cory: “OK. We’ll go run your errands first.”

My head spun round like the exorcist. “NO! We are going to KFC!”

“Uh. Ok. Right. Food first.”



While the above is a dramatization of real events, there is a lesson to be learned. If I go too long between having something to eat, I get so incredibly hungry that I feel as though I need to hunt and kill, and will do so if I’m not fed immediately. You know in the movies when someone eats a turkey leg (why is it always a turkey leg? So disgusting) after they’ve been imprisoned for some time? How they shovel it all in their mouth and grease is dripping everywhere and they don’t care, then they gulp down red wine while food is still in their mouths, waiting to be chewed? Ick. Gross. I hate those scenes. Loathe them. I always think of that horrible actress from Indiana Jones.

Well, in a way, that’s been me. I was at home alone one morning and woke up not feeling so great. I fell back asleep and when I woke up the second time, I was ravenous. I got up, shaking, and went into the kitchen. I saw lemon-blueberry bread and tore into it, not waiting to slice it like a civilized person, but ripping it from its snug plastic wrap. From there, I moved on, peeling the skin off a Clementine, and then tossing back a handful of almonds, which made me thirsty. I opened the fridge, grasped the milk with both hands and gulped from the jug. OK, not really, but you get the idea.

The lesson, people? Don’t mess with Momma when she’s hungry. Feed her, or die.

Mark My Words

We're having a girl, I just know it...

Due date: March 1, 2008 :)

Boobies Boobies Boobies!

Cory says I am obsessed with my boobs. I know, I should call them breasts or something less juvenile, but I like the sound of the word - boobies. It just makes me giggle.

I’ve always heard that one of the early signs of pregnancy is tenderness and/or soreness of your boobies (hee, hee) and nipples. I’ve had moments before in my life where I was sore so I just knew I was pregnant. Let me tell you all, there is no denying it when it happens. It’s not the same. It freaking hurts. It hurts as in when I get out of the shower, I place the towel under the boobies so as not to have to come in contact with the super-soft cotton.

The other weird thing about them is they feel so heavy. Like each one must weigh twice what it did two weeks ago. I came out of the bedroom topless the other day with one cupped in each hand.

“Cory, my boobies feel enormous! Feel them! Lift up the boobies!”

He laughed at me, of course. I think this was when the “obsessed” comment came about. “They do look bigger,” he said grinning. Hmm, I wonder why the smirk?

He placed his hands on the boobs. Gently.

“Wow. They feel so... dense!”

He agreed with me. Aha! I knew I wasn’t crazy.

Just wait...I’m going to start posting pictures of my boobies. You all can watch them as they grow larger and larger... You can bet your asses I’m going to be sporting the low-cut, cleavage baring tops when they arrive. I have to take advantage of them while I can...

Oh here it comes...

Last night, as soon as we got back I started cleaning and putting the house back together. I had to go to walmart, like it or not, so I sent Cory off to Ratatouille alone so I could be productive.

Our walmart sucks, just in case you ever thought about driving to STW to go to the store. The new one is good, but I haven't learned my way around it yet and this needed to be a speed trip, I was pooped.

Anyway, the produce section was what I was most interested in since I need to be eating healthy. The frackin place didn't even have any bananas. WTF? Who runs out of bananas?

After walmart, I go to Albertson's to buy their twice-as-expensive produce. I see a little round container of figs. Ever had a fig? Seen a fig? I know I like 'em in newtons, and Diane had said they were wonderful so I figure what the heck, I'll pay $5.99 for a new fruit experience.

Cory gets home, and I ask, "Ever had a fig? Wanna try one?"

He looks at the container and sneers. "Not really, but I guess."

While he stands there I take a bite. "Not bad. Tastes just like the newton without the cake. Only crunchier. They sure are ugly."

I pop the rest of it in my mouth. They're about the size of a date and very chewy.

My husband, known in his circle of friends as Too Far Cheney, says, "They look like an old man's shriveled little testicles."

And that, my friends, is when I had my first experience with nausea.

The figs are with Diane on a plane to Thailand right now...

The First Appointment

Let me begin by saying I love my doctor. She is young, active, fit... the cutest little hippie-looking, Sheryl Crow-esque woman. She and her husband are cyclists, so you know, it’s like a perfect fit for me to have a doctor who understands that I am NOT likely to stop working out just because I’m pregnant. In fact, I’m viewing this as an opportunity to finally start taking responsibility for our nutritional habits. Gotta eat healthy now, there’s a little brain forming inside of me.

Anyway, we go in, not expecting to really find out anything because the appointment was made for other reasons a couple of weeks back. The “other reasons,” just for the record, are that my thyroid no longer functions properly so my metabolism, energy level, etc. are out the door. Which is why I’m no longer a perky size 6-8 and I could sleep for days on end and then go take a nap.

She starts asking questions about when my last period was, and I tell her in all honesty, I’m not really sure. Other than the last 6 months, I’ve been on the same birth control pill since I was 18. I never had to keep track of that girly stuff, it always happened like clockwork. And it also barely happened at all – I mean, light and short and pain free so I’m one of the lucky ones.

She decides to go ahead and do an ultrasound to see how far along I am.

“Go ahead and take off your bottoms. I’ll go get the ultrasound.”

Cory looks as though he might faint. I’m not sure if it’s the kidney stone or the appointment, but either way, his comfort level is long gone. He looks at me undressing, looks at the stirrups, and back at me.

“I don’t understand!!”

I laughed. “Well, me either, but apparently, she ain’t rubbin’ cold gel on my belly...”

Doc comes back in wheeling a cart. She puts gel on what she refers to as the “magic wand.”

Uh, yeah. That’s definitely going inside of me. It looks like a vibrator. A really big one. Connected to a computer screen. Can’t get that at Christy’s Toybox.

Cory moves so he can stand next to my head instead of the stirrups. We hold hands. She digs around in there for awhile, not saying anything. Suddenly, I get nervous that maybe the tests were wrong.

The doc calmly speaks. “Oh, I had my wand upside down. There we are. Much better.”

Cory & I laugh. I wonder if she just does that sort of thing to break the ice. I hope not.

“You definitely had a normal period last month... this tiny little black speck, that’s the sac. You are definitely pregnant! 4 weeks, 5 days. It’s too early to really see anything but we’ll take a look again next week.”

She tells me to go get a blood test to check my hormone levels and then do it again on Wednesday. Apparently, pregnancy hormones are supposed to double every 48 hours. So I’m going to be getting stuck a lot. And doubling hormones probably mean sick a lot. I hope I can handle this...

The Home Test

I couldn't wait until later. I decided to take the test after lunch at El Tapatio. Cory made his way to his bathroom while I made my way for mine.

"You know you'll probably find out you're pregnant while I'm in the crapper."

You know Cory. Ever the romantic.

It's not like we haven't done this test before. Go pee on a stick, look at stick two minutes later to see a big fat minus sign. As in you are minus any eggs, you old lady.

I peed, then got online to check my email. I had a lengthy one from my sister so I got into reading that when I realized I'd forgotten about the test. I ran to the bathroom, thinking to myself, "I just need to tell him, all my eggs have dried up. We should stop wasting money on EPT."

I picked up the test and saw two faint lines instead of one.

HUH?

I smiled, kind of fiendishly, because I knew I was going to tell Cory some of the most exciting news he's ever heard while he was taking a post-Mexican food dump.

"Cory? Uh... you were right."

"About what?"

"That I'm going to tell you I'm pregnant while you're on the crapper."

"What? No shit? Are you serious?"

"Yeah. I need you to come look at this. It looks like a plus sign to me..."