Ah, the Guilt is Neverending

So I’m going to quit pumping at 6 months. I’ve done all I can stand, and feel that I have given her as healthy a start as possible. She got to stay home with me for 3 months, then with Auntie Diane another month. Some babies at daycare are only 4 weeks old. I bet they get sick a lot in their little baby lifetime. :(

I do feel guilty about it, of course, because I feel like I am quitting for my own convenience, knowing it’s not what is best for Kaia. But I have health concerns of my own that need to be tended to, and it’s just not happening while I’m pumping 5 times a day. I gotta take care of me so I can take care of the Wee One.

I also feel guilty for not making it to Texas for the Bloyd’s birthday bash. We had a great time last year and hate missing it, but it is the way it is. We have three jobs, two dogs, a house and a new baby on less of an income than we’ve had in about three years. Three years ago, I am pretty sure gas wasn’t almost $4 a gallon. In fact, let’s look that up.

Yep, average price per gallon in 2006 was $1.50.

Neither did we used to have a $600 a month daycare bill (short months only--$750 in August) and $18,000 in medical expenses.

I guess what I’m saying is, people suck it up and like it. We are broke. Either come see us when you can, or wait until we can afford the gas. As it stands, I have approximately $25 leftover each pay period. I was the one with all the extra spending money each month; Cory pays almost all of our bills. My money is gone; therefore his spending money is gone.

We don’t love you any less; we just have to live on $400 less per month with $800 more in monthly expenses. We are not so obsessed with our baby girl that we can’t leave the house. We want to be social. We just aren’t in the financial position to do so right now.

And that’s just the way it is. :(

Words from the Little One

This is my turtle named Frog.
Stay the hell away from it.
It's mine.







This is how I look at my Daddy every day.
Just seeing him makes me smile THIS BIG.
He is the best Daddy in the whole world.
I love him.










The only person I love as much as my Daddy is Mommy.
This is me cuddling up to her.
I tried to eat her nose.
I love her so much.
She is the best.

HEY!!!

Who sent me a present?? :) Somebody take credit!

Daycare: The Place Where Babies Go to Get Sick

Well, for the third Friday in a row since Auntie D left, we're taking Kaia to the doctor. She still has the congestion and cough, it hasn't really gotten any better, and now we think she might have pink eye. I am hoping it's just a cold in her eye, but you can't mess around with pink eye. I had it when I was 11. It is some nasty shit, let me tell you. I actually remember how it feels for your eye to be crusted shut every morning. Gross.

Anyway, other than the never ending illnesses, we are liking our daycare pretty well. I know when she is older she will really enjoy it because they do all kinds of fun activities there. Yesterday was - yes it's true - bicycle day! All of the older kids who had bikes were instructed to bring them to the center and they were all out in the parking lot riding around and having fun.

The 32 hour week thing is not working out for me right now. Well, it is and it isn't. It eases my guilt for rolling in around 9:30 - 10 every day. But I'm 1 for 3 as far as actually having Fridays off, and 2 out of the 3 I've had something going on the Saturday as well. We'll see how it goes. Work is getting so busy for me though I don't know if it's really feasible. I did have my eval last week and my boss asked for me to get the "maximum" raise possible. That was pretty cool. I really like my job. I just wish I could do it all in 20 hours so I could be home with Kaia.

I'm thinking about chopping my hair off again. I'm in a hair rut. Ideas?

I rode once this week. Geez, this is getting ridiculous. I'm going to have to change the title of my blogs if I don't get off my ass. Maybe I can get a long ride in this weekend.

Here's hopin.

So Much Happiness

A few minutes ago, I was sitting here playing on the laptop and Kaia was on Cory's lap. They had just sat down together after he got her out of her swing and I hadn't yet looked over to see what she was doing. When I did, she was smiling so big at me, it was like her face was going to crack. It was the cutest, biggest smile I've ever seen, so I got excited and smiled back, started talking to her and clapping. That's when it happened. The giggle. We got our first giggle! Mark this down in history as one of the best moments in my life. In fact, one of the greatest days ever, start to finish.

She is feeling better, though all three of us still sound terrible. Cory is now battling some kind of stomach bug... either that or he snuck away and ate some salmonella tomatoes from somewhere. At any rate, it still feels like we'll never be well again.

This weekend has been quite peaceful. No work, no company, no "obligations," just family time. I haven't even been nagging about getting the house clean. We've just been lying around, taking it easy. Maybe this will bode well for our recovery.

I know we both gush about Kaia on our blogs, and I think part of it is because we so desperately want you all to know how we feel, even though we realize it's impossible. We were the friends who, if someone had a baby, rolled our eyes at the thought of never ending baby talk, diapers and crying. To think that we were ever on the fence about any of this... well, we just want any of you out there who are undecided to realize that you will never, ever know the love and joy a baby can bring unless you do it. My saying that will not phase any of you probably, because I heard it from people all my life, but I still thought, "yeah well, not me. I don't think I'd like being a mom. I don't think I'd be good at it. I think I'm too selfish." and so on and so on. What a bunch of bullshit! Cory said last night he felt like thanking me for her (I told him to feel free to do so anytime...) but I feel the same way. I never would have gotten off the fence if I hadn't known that he would be a great dad to her, the kind I never had and the kind he never had... I think we're both going to grow so much from this experience, and I feel truly lucky that Kaia is in our lives but also feel like she is one lucky little girl to have so many people love her so much.

OK, I'll stop. Snif. She's just so awesome!

Just for the record...

Sickness of any kind does indeed suck. We've all three had a bout of crap and I'm sick of being sick! Mostly though, I'm sick of Kaia being sick. It's heart-breaking when she coughs. Poor little bugger.

Daycare is going fairly well, though neither Cory or I can get our shit together well enough in the mornings to get anywhere on time. We just cannot get up anymore. I feel drugged every morning.

Not much to report really, I just wanted to get some photos up before Candice has a coronary.