Oh here it comes...

Last night, as soon as we got back I started cleaning and putting the house back together. I had to go to walmart, like it or not, so I sent Cory off to Ratatouille alone so I could be productive.

Our walmart sucks, just in case you ever thought about driving to STW to go to the store. The new one is good, but I haven't learned my way around it yet and this needed to be a speed trip, I was pooped.

Anyway, the produce section was what I was most interested in since I need to be eating healthy. The frackin place didn't even have any bananas. WTF? Who runs out of bananas?

After walmart, I go to Albertson's to buy their twice-as-expensive produce. I see a little round container of figs. Ever had a fig? Seen a fig? I know I like 'em in newtons, and Diane had said they were wonderful so I figure what the heck, I'll pay $5.99 for a new fruit experience.

Cory gets home, and I ask, "Ever had a fig? Wanna try one?"

He looks at the container and sneers. "Not really, but I guess."

While he stands there I take a bite. "Not bad. Tastes just like the newton without the cake. Only crunchier. They sure are ugly."

I pop the rest of it in my mouth. They're about the size of a date and very chewy.

My husband, known in his circle of friends as Too Far Cheney, says, "They look like an old man's shriveled little testicles."

And that, my friends, is when I had my first experience with nausea.

The figs are with Diane on a plane to Thailand right now...