You know, about the only thing I love more than eating and riding my bike is sleeping. In fact, sometimes the only reason I get ON my bike and ride for hours is because I know the amazing nap I'll have when I get back. When Cory & I first were training for the Ride for the Roses, we talked about the glory of the post-ride cycling nap. Every Sunday, we'd get back, all sweaty and icky and tired and hungry, and we'd hit El Tap and then go sleep. It was the deepest "my body is exhausted" sleep ever and it was fabulous.
Now, several years later, here we are, operating on just a couple hours a night. Jerm will be happy to know that our house, once kept a cool, comforting 68, is now set at 78. The little one has no body fat, she's got to stay warm. We used to complain that our dark brown curtains didn't block out enough daylight when we wanted to sleep in. Now we sleep with the lamp on so we can see the little one when we need to. Oh how times have changed!
Personally, I wish we could skip this part. I'm a 10 hours a night girl. I can sleep in the car, on the couch, on a plane, sitting upright, as I discovered in the wee hours this morning... I love my sleep. And I miss it. I don't function well without it.
So Kaia, when you are older and you read all our posts in your baby book, know how much we loved you from the get-go, we gave up our favorite things for you: halo and sleep.
About anxiety...
Without sleep, my anxiety seems to be worse. Sometimes I just have these moments of panic... like I feel like I'm rushing but I don't know why. I mean, where do I have to be? This morning, i was trying to hurry up and dress the little one, do the routine you know, and it just didn't go well. Started to put on the new diaper, she peed everywhere. Diaper thingie was full, couldn't get her arms through the little sleeves... I was taking way too long to get her to her breakfast. I give her the mandatory stinky vitamin with a little milk and she guzzles it. Then throws it up all over the shirt I just struggled to get on her. By the time I finally got her clothed and not smelling like stinky vitamin, she was really too tired to eat. I got up and noticed the house. God, shit everywhere. Clothes, washcloths, blankets, baby bottles... our dining room table is perpetually covered with trash, paper and random bullshit. I thought my head might explode. I actually started to sweat.
And I wonder why I have had a headache all day?
I could never do this without Cory. I'm not sure how any woman is able to do this without a supportive spouse, though I know it happens all the time. I'm just not strong enough to do it. Thank goodness I don't have to.
6 comments:
Finally something I know! Yeah I wish I could give you advice about taking care of a baby but I can't.
Anxiety. Anxiety is always hardest when you are low on sleep or just waking up. It sounds like you are breathing properly. You need to give yourself, 54 seconds. (ha...54 seconds is my rule and I have given it away several times). I take 54 seconds and breathe in and out and clear my mind. I also do it when my mind is racing while I am trying to fall asleep. And the best part of anxiety? Yes there is a good part....after it is over, you feel silly for overreacting.
Keep your chin up kid. You are doing great.
Ahh the thermostat. I used to keep our house at a cool 62 at night. Not anymore. James is like you. He likes 10+ hours a night. I've always had insomnia, so lack of sleep is not new to me. Some how he is managing remarkably well. I hope Kaia doesn't end up being a spitty baby. Andrew spits up and throws up his bottles sooo much. I am constantly changing his clothes, changing my clothes. Its endless. I'm with you. I have an enormous amount of new respect for single moms. I could never do it. I am thankful everyday that James is such a good partner and daddy. Andrew and I are so lucky. Also, you know I have all kinds of anxiety issues as well. Let me know if you ever need want to talk. Just slow down and enjoy your little one. Its cliche, but it does go by entirely too fast.
I'm right there with you - I'm such a sleep baby. I just can't function without lots of it. I can STILL sleep in 'til noon on Saturday if I'm behind. If anyone doesn't understand a mother's love, I think they can at least get a clue looking at what parents give up.
Just look forward to the days when you slowly start getting your naps back :)
Keep on doin' what your doin'. I'm going back to bed.
I think for me it was the mixture of little sleep, insecurity, and raging hormones. I didn't realize the hormones would vary while nursing. On top of that it is almost as if babies have a built in sensor. They seem to know whenwe are at our wits end and pick those moments to push the envelope- to pee all over us or projectile spit up. It is incredible how just trying to get out of the houe seems like the biggest battle ever. You hear people say that before you have kids and it seems ridiculous. But it is true.
Rachel was a super spit-upper. Ugh. But what can you do?
Dave and I often look at the state of our house and just shake our heads.
Like you, I've got a guy who truly helps and I also wonder how single moms swing it. Having that support person there who can come in and switch hit is so important.
Just drop me a line or give me a call if you need to talk.
Melissa
{{HUGS}}
Post a Comment